My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
