another moral hangover. fuck.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
