my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
