we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
