I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
