I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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