he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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