bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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