Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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