i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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