Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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