I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize