Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
