Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
