I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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