Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
