OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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