two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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