sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
