I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
