Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
