Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
