I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
