brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
