return my video game
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
