He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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