I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
