I wish I could teleport
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
