You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
