hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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