My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
