There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
