The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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