btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
