I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
