drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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