he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
