She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
third nipple confirmed
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
