If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
