I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
