i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
