OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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