So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's just like the Real World with babies
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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