I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
