So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
