I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
