I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
