Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
