Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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