After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
