help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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