Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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