From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
