I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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