Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
