just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
