just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
