tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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