Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
